Alright boys, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.. week 13.. loser literally goes home.. unless you’re me and then you’re stuck considering if you should rest guys or play for the home field advantage. For most of you this is going to be your last meaningful week of fantasy football until next August. Lot of dreams on the line this week but you better hope i don’t put the curse on you as my 48-13-3 record speaks for itself.
Lot of implications on the line here as the clawwww is looking to lock up that 1st round bye as the mud monkeys are desperately trying to lock up the 7 seed to play the Baby Shakers in the 1st round. Unfortunately for the mud monkeys a win here will likely make them avoid the baby shakers and have to see the clawwww 2 weeks in a row which is just a death sentence. The clawwww brings the mud monkeys behind the shed this week and puts this dog to sleep. Maybe next year you won’t draft a TE in the 2nd round. Clawwww by a thousand.
2. AB’s Wild Ride (5-7) (12th place) vs Let me hit your JuJul (5-7) (9th place)
These maintenance workers need a raise because not only is this ride up and running but its got lines to the parking lot. AB’s wild ride continues to get better and better as every loop di loop brings in more and more fans. Its so fitting that Jared Goff is going to put the Juul out of its misery as he and the rams optimize first to worst just like this team. Juul flavors get a national ban as this juul gets banned from the playoffs?.. Coincidence??? Aliens are real? 9/11 was an inside job? ABs wild ride by a million and with some help can sneak in.
3. Baby Shaker Baker (8-4)(2nd place) vs Julio’s Waffle House (5-7) (8th place)
Oh man, how right vegas always is. The waffle house finds themselves in the last regular season game of the year battling for the beloved 7 seed. Who could of predicted it?! “If only i had my 2nd and 3rd round draft pick for the year” “If only hooper didn’t get hurt for the last 3 weeks” “If only i wasn’t a mouth breathing moron” This one is clear folks, the waffle house is off to a hot start but its lunch time, the syrup is drying up, the babies are crying and somebody needs to shake them. Baby shaker in a come from behind blowout.
4. Ringless Robby (6-6) (4th place) vs Sammy gave me a Chubb (7-5) (3rd place)
Some late game tinkering, some draft pick meltdowns and a name change later, i think ringless robby is really gunna do it. Win or lose i think this shoot out i going to lead to a playoff spot for both of these teams. Do i think ringless robby has enough to contend? The name says it all but do i think ringless robby can spoil a contender hopes in the 1st round.. shhhhhh. I hope the simone cousins shared the gravy at thanksgiving because theres plenty to go around in the week 13. Does the resurrected chubb gives his cousin an early christmas present or does gravy become thicker than blood. Tune in to find out. Leaning toward ringless robby in this one.
5. Officer Dickskin (6-6) (6th place) vs Hepatitis D (5-7) (11th place)
Man, this one is tearing at my heartstrings. Two of my favorite underdogs to rock all every year. One team i trade raped into a 3-0 run for the both of us, the other.. the officer. Nothing more i can hope for than a 400-399 win for Hepatitis D as they both sneak in. After talking to my analytics guy and crunching all the numbers I’m taking Hepatitis money line here. Simply too much value for the matchup and too much on the line. Get your vaccines we might see Hepatitis in the playoffs for maybe the first time ever???
6. Sutton My Face (5-7) (10th place) vs OB gay and the boys (6-6) (5th place)
I couldn’t be happier that its week 13 and after this week i won’t have to be writing about both of these dumpster fires anymore. These teams make me almost as sick as the daniel jones and pat shurmur led giants. Its football season, so I’m going to watch but god does it make me regret a lot of things I’ve done in my life to lead me to this point. Sutton my face has a hilariously good roster on paper but also has 52 points on his bench from the turkey bowl. Ob gay and the boys is the annoying little brother that always wants to do what his big brother is doing. “my team is really good too” Hope Sutton my face suffocates the gay boy out of the playoffs in this one.